Written by Will The Thrill
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Topics: Satan, retirement

Monday, 4 March 2002

image for Angel of Death Retires
Death at the airport

After one thousand years and millions of cases handled, the time has come for the man in black to step down. Reporter Will Da Thrill caught up with Death at the airport for a quick interview.

WDT - So Mr. Death how does it feel to retire?

AOD- You can call me Jim , I was a soldier to King Edward the Martyr. Known as Ethelred the Unready. What a prick.

WDT - So you must have fit right in. I mean with the killing and all.

AOD - Actually the Big Guy felt the prior Angels were too merciful. New recruits were all Hell bound. We were given a choice, Spend 1000 years in purgatory or doing this. It was a pretty easy choice.

WDT - You mean theres more of you?

AOD - Of course! Did you think I could handle all these cases? Deaths have gone up 1000' since I've started. I can't remember the last time I had a day off. Even the Big Guy rested on the 7th day.

WDT - I guess you won't miss it.

AOD - Hmm, I'm not sure. Do you know I understand the phrase "Please don't take my life" in ten different languages? I mean I've traveled to every part of the world. I even helped get rid of Hitler.

WDT - What do you mean?

AOD - It really wasn't his time but he was such as asshole. I did get a lot of heat for that one.

WDT - What about the rest of the evil doers in the world?

AOD -If we decided to take matters into our hands there wouldn't be many people on this planet. It's a sad truth The Big Guy feels you should clean up your own mess.

WDT - So what do you plan to do next?

AOD - I think a tour guide.

NSN - Tour guide?

AOD - Yeah, Heaven has a lot of great places to visit. You have the White House, we have the Cloud House, the Big Guys office building. We also have Jesus' art gallery. You thought Michael Angelo was good.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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