Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 17 April 2009

image for Britain's Got Talent Simon Cowell And Susan Boyle To Marry
Aye, she's a bonnie wee lassie!

Britain's Got Talent judge Simon Cowell stunned the showbusiness world in a Press conference this afternoon, by announcing his intention to marry the new Scottish singing sensation, Susan Boyle.

Cowell "fell in love" with Susan after witnessing the most incredible performance in the show's history last Saturday, when the 47-year-old unemployed church worker belted out her stirring rendition of "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables in front of 11 million viewers.

Tears filled his eyes, and he broke down and sobbed, but ever the consummate showbiz professional, he had those scenes edited out of the television broadcast, and viewers remained unaware of his love until today.

Susan embarrassingly admitted live on air, that she had never before been kissed, so it will be a shock to her system when Cowell - a notorious womaniser - moves in with her, but the Scot says she will take it all in her stride, one day at a time, Sweet Jesus.

The couple are expected to take their honeymoon on some remote Scottish hill.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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