Written by Bluebella
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Topics: John Wayne

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

image for John Wayne AKA "The Duke" to be defrosted
John Wayne's not dead, he's frozen

In a controversial move, John Wayne's family has released a statement this morning stating that former actor and darling of classic western films is to be defrosted.

Wayne was accidentally frozen back in 1979 when he locked himself in a freezer room at his son's restaurant, whilst playing hide and seek with his grandson. Wayne was locked in the freezer for three weeks and was only found when his grandson, who had long since forgotten about the hide and seek, went to the freezer to get some ice for his bourbon. Viewers are to be assured that Wayne's grandson was 23 and well above the legal drinking age.

Wayne's family were mortified and embarrassed at the clumsy mistake, so released a story to the press stating that he had cancer and had been frozen and cryogenically suspended so that he could be awoken again when a cure for cancer was found. "We didn't think anyone would buy that story" said Wayne's wife.

Mrs Wayne, who has decided to die peacefully in her sleep next week, remembered just yesterday that her husband had written a formula for a cancer cure and put the formula in a safe in the backyard. He had never got around to telling his wife the combination of the safe. "I'm just going to defrost him for a couple of minutes and ask him" said Mrs Wayne. "I promise to turn the air con straight back up as soon as I know that safe combination."

Mrs Wayne, who is now 107, smiled coyly when asked if any "hanky panky" would occur while The Duke was unfrozen. "Well it's been a long time and things don't work like they used to for either of us - but you just never know, you just never know….." She said blushing.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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