Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 9 April 2009

image for Top Policeman Quits Over Leaked Documents, But Gets Starring Role In 'The Bill'
Incompetent cop - sack! Incompetent MPs - not sack!

Britain's top counter-terrorism officer has quit after admitting he could have jeopardised an operation to thwart a possible UK al-Qaeda terror plot.

Assistant Commissioner Bob Quick resigned after he accidentally revealed a secret document to photographers.

But it wasn't all bad news for the stupid copper - he's been offered the even more lucrative position of a starring role in ITV police drama, The Bill.

Mr Quick, as he is now known, will play the part of Assistant Commissioner Bob Quack, a blundering baffoon, who routinely puts the lives of his men and the general public in danger through a series of hideous gaffes.

This culminates in a serious error when, arriving at 10 Downing Street with a bundle of terrorist documents, he accidentally allows photographers to view them, and an operation to stop a drug dealer stealing a push-bike from a single mother who lives on a rough estate in a block of flats with her three screaming kids and a dog, has to be brought forward - much to the annoyance of the Prime Minister.

Real Prime Minister Gordon Brown said Mr Quick had said sorry for what went wrong and he had thanked him for his long service. He said:

"Mr Quack, or whatever his name is, could not be trusted by the people he serves, and had to go. The same rule does not apply to bent MPs, however. They can do just whatever they like, regardless of whether or not they are trusted by the people they serve."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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