Written by P.M. Wortham
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Tuesday, 7 April 2009

image for Chris Brown Publishes New Book on Dating Tips
Love, Honor, and OBEY Beeotch!

Planning a press release in conjunction with his "Not Guilty" plea in Los Angeles County Superior Court this week, singer Chris Brown announced his soon-to-be-published book titled "How to Date Women".

Riding the wave of publicity surrounding the alleged assault of his music industry girlfriend and resulting court appearances, Brown's publicist, Anita Mantule, has positioned the release date for the book sometime after the upcoming hearing. "We think this is a good time to hit the bookshelves with Mr. Brown's thoughts on dating in the new millennium." Mantule said. "After all, Spring is in the air and millions of young people will be looking for a new hook-up, they need to know what behaviors will be acceptable."

The rules for dating have indeed changed, if you listen to the feedback from some Hollywood and music industry icons. Even the public's feedback to recent news reports has been surprising, suggesting that it is now perfectly alright to "smack your partner around" during a disagreement on a date. Mantule added, "I enjoy a backhand to the face once in a while,and I don't see anything wrong with it."

One ghost writer for the book leaked details from the latest draft to the press. Chapter titles include; "Back Up That Truck", "Acceptable Limo Behavior", "Sexual Expectations After Your First Date", and "Things You Can Never Say to Me or I'll Knock You Into Next Week".

Sociologists and human rights activists had stepped into the spotlight in opposition to the book and this latest trend of "relationship behavior". "It is a disturbing trend and painful to witness, much like listening to a speech from the former president", said Columbia University Exchange Professor Umaka Zense.

Mantule was quick to respond to Brown's critics with her own rational and well articulated comment. "Pussies", she replied. "What's a punch or slap really mean when two people are truly in love."

"Assault, with three to five years in state prison", Zense replied.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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