After decades of the news being filled with totally and utterly and mind-numbingly uninteresting stories about half-decent dancer Madonna, it came as a shock to people that Madonna actually IS interesting.
'I was surprised', Mrs. Ethel Reddy said, in Little Sewerage-under-Floorboard, Shropshire, 'very, very surprised. Very, very, very, very surprised. Here we all were, thinking that Madonna is just an average dancer that can't sing and has only made two decent records, in the 1980s, but now she's interesting! Well I never, I must get the paper out and see what she's been doing.'
And the Daily Swine said: 'Madonna Breathes Air Today! Her feet were a bit itchy yesterday!' In the Espresso it was 'Madonna's Athlete's Foot Gets A Bit Better', and The Daily Smear said: 'Madonna! Madonna! Madonna!' The Daily Perv had 'Madonna in threesome with Africans', The Guardian said 'Madonna's fungaloid infection - condition improves', The Times said 'American dancer in interesting claims, Gordon Boron denies it', and The Daily Smellygraph had 'House prices set to fall, including Madonna's London one.'
For decades Miss Ciccone has been in the news, and most people have never even bothered to read about her, let alone find her interesting, but today's news will certainly make her the first story that most people will now be turning to. From London, Sir Pox Spewforth said from his club in Kensington: 'Used to be a nice filly, Madge did, but became totally uninteresting after that Like A Dancer thing. You know, when she looked rather nice on that boat in Venezuela.'
And another club member, Sir Hortlethorgs Hylington-Ffrangle added: 'Haven't the plebs got anything more interesting to write about? Like foxhunting, or shooting trade unionists? Oh, Madonna IS interesting now, sorry, let's hope the papers are filled with lots more stories about her. Like what sort of food she feeds her Malawi pets.'
Sir Paul McCartney today wrote a song about the American dancer, in tribute to the interesting news:
'Interesting Madonna, African children at your feet, wonder how you manage to get in the news
Who finds the stories? Who writes the crap? Did you think that stories are heaven sent?
Friday morning arrives without an article, Sunday night still not written one yet
Monday's child resorts to writing about Madonnagain
See, how they, yawnnnnnn ...
Interesting Madonna, someone else's children at your breast, wonders if your salary would feed all Africa
See, how they, yawnnnnnn ...
Interesting Madonna, lying on the bed, wonder who wrote the music on your last eighteen CDs instead - of you
Tuesday afternoon tried to write about economics
Wednesday papers full of real news
Thursday night your articles need Madonnagain
See how they yawnnnnnn ...
Interesting Madonna, African children at your feet, wonder how you manage to get in the news
Yawn - yawn - yawn yawn yawn yawn.'
Steve Davis is also interesting, let's hope endless articles will be written about him too.