96 years after pop band Spandau Ballet first appeared on the world's stage, today they announced they were reforming.
'We're reforming', said singer Hermann Hessly, 'even though we may be a tad old for pop stars.' And guitarist Gary Kampf added: 'And this time it will be no more Mr nice cheesy guys!'
Spandau Ballet began in 1913, and after surviving a near-fatal set of cringeworthy hit singles they began to become increasingly popular. But then in 1940 the band suddenly stole a red London bus, and drove to Scotland to meet the Duke of Earlington, for reasons unclear to this day.
'I have nothing to say', the Duke said, 'now bugger off and leave me to polish my collection of Nazi memorabilia.' But the band cleverly hired some doubles to impersonate them, and escaped from Scotland while the doubles were sent to gaol in the Beeb open prison.
'Everyone knows the real Spandaus wouldn't have appeared in Westenders', one source said, 'and wouldn't have reformed. They were embarrassing enough in the 1930s, dressing up in ridiculous clothes and more than hinting at ties with fascism, and bringing out songs that not even your grannie would buy, so these fakes reforming is nonsensical.'
'It would be like Led Zeppelin or The Beatles reforming, when half of them are dead, or like Gordon Brown lasting more than a year as Prime Minister.'
Rudolf the Red-Nosed Saxophone Player refused to comment.