The funeral of the late reality TV star Jade Goody next Friday, is to be attended by more than 1,000 members of the British National Party, and will feature a full 21-gun salute and other niceties, including a speech by a prominent party member.
Uniformed footsoldiers will carry Jade's coffin aloft, as they march through the sleepy Essex village of Thurrock, a well-known hive of BNP activity. The cortege will then make its way to Upshire, where Goody lived with her crim husband Jack Tweed-Tweedy.
The BNP, staunch allies of Goody, and known Big Brother enthusiasts, will make a special speech to the assembled throng on policies which range from the repatriation of undesirables to 'British Jobs for British People', followed by the burning of effigies, fights with police and optional looting.
Jade always denied being a member of the BNP, even after her infamous spat with Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty in the Big Brother house, but a spokesman said today:
"She was a good old-fashioned white Anglo Saxon type of fat slug, and we'll be there in numbers to show our gratitude."