The Associated Mess
June 24, 2004 10:00 PM ET
WEST PALM BEACH, FL - Authorities are investigating the tragic death of a Florida man, found half eaten in the home of popular radio commentator Rush Limbaugh.
The man, Tastado Carne, was a 46 year old paper man who was discovered in several Tupperware containers (with sealable freshness lids) at Limbaugh's estate early Thursday morning. Carne's body appeared to be amply distributed into containers labeled ‘meatloaf', ‘sandwich meats', ‘goodies', ‘manwich fix'ns', and most disturbing of all ‘naughty vittles'.
Police initially arrived at Limbaugh's estate to investigate the a rash of mysterious disappearances of neighborhood cats, dogs, and other assorted pets, because of a tip by a local informant. The Associated Mess has learned that the police officer who first arrived at the scene had probable cause in entering Limbaugh's mansion because of an apparent ‘trail of Alpo' that lead the investigator to the back door of the mansion. Inside the grisly remains of Carne were discovered.
According to police, a half eaten Tastado manwich burger was found on a kitchen counter. The piece of evidence will not be admissible into evidence, said police officials, because the officer at the scene had made a ‘mistake' and taken a bite of the delicious Tastado sandwich.
"There wasn't much Carne left when we arrived at the scene," said Police Chief Steven Plumpers. "We are investigating the matter fully and as of right now Limbaugh is a suspect. He will arrive at West Palm Beach Hospital to have a back rub and a stomach pump, in order to obtain critical evidence."
According to witnesses at the scene, Limbaugh asked to be taken to Wendy's drive through before going to the hospital. It is not clear at this time whether he wanted to eat ‘Wendy' or simply get some more to eat.
Limbaugh, whose recent scandal involved pain killers, refused to comment.