SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Look out little blue packets. Look out little pink packets. Look out little yellow packets; and look out little white packets, and little brown packets of sugar!
My source, the restaurant secret shopper, Ms. Angela J. Tidbits (who's name has been changed to protect his secretiveness) has just spotted the new black packets of aspartame being stocked in San Francisco's most Macho restaurant. We can't mention the name, but trust me, you will find the Indian, the construction worker, the policeman, and well, all the macho people from the village here!
These new black packets are 100 percent pure aspartame. And, proudly proclaimed in a bold white box in black letters:
Only extremely fit subjects should risk consumption.
Translation, according to industry experts, 10 percent of subjects who consume that much pure aspartame at one time: die.
We are talking about a lot of aspartame here. Just how much? Sorry, that figure does not exist since human experimentation has not been approved for aspartame.
Anyway, expect the most macho boys in town to be out doing each other with aspartame.