Written by NODDY
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Topics: Jeremy Clarkson

Saturday, 21 March 2009

image for Tests show Clarkson is 'juvenile'
Jezza will drive a car costing £500,000 and find many faults, even while driving at a speed and in a manner that most of us will never need to.

Tests on Jeremy Clarkson have revealed the perhaps unsurprising news that he has the brain of an eleven-year-old boy.

Whilst he obviously is capable of fully-formed adult thought, doctors believe Clarkson suffers from 'Smart-Gillie Syndrome' which means that as soon as he is behind the wheel of an automobile his brain goes 'brrrrrm brrrrrm' and he reverts to a typical pre-teen's actions and words.

It also means that, while programmes like Top Gear are an outlet for his need to drive quickly, the ever-faster cars that he drives can never really satisfy him. That is the reason that, while 95% of the population happily drive 'sensible cars' worth a couple of thousand pounds, Jezza will drive a car costing £500,000 and find many faults, even while driving at a speed and in a manner that most of us will never need to.

Smart-Gillie Syndrome is curable, involving applying electric currents to the Central Poranium nerve, doctors say.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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