Today we can sensationally reveal that the family of a famous dead person are devastated at their passing. After literally hours of extensive research (mostly conducted in the business lounge at London's Heathrow Airport waiting for the next service to Los Angeles) your very reporter managed to doorstep the grieving family outside their home in Beverley Hills.
Being one of only a hundred or so reporters from only a handful of UK news outlets present we learned firsthand that not only were the immediate family "shocked" and "saddened" by their relatives untimely demise but also that the death was clearly unexpected. This was more than evident from the sombre attire donned by the grieving mother; it was from Gucci's 2006 collection - 3 years past its charity-auction-by date.
Only by making the journey in person am I able to comment on the smudged eye makeup of the actor's eldest sister being clear evidence that the distraught relative had shed more than a solitary tear for her dead brother. Only by being there am I able to paint such a vivid picture of the indescribable sorrow and sadness experienced by the relatives affected by such a personal tragedy as this.
I sincerely hope the rest of the media will like me respect the privacy of the family during this immensely difficult time, perhaps limiting the questions asked to a maximum of five as I did, and being careful when thrusting a microphone in the face of a clearly distressed woman, unlike that dreadful man from Sky news