Jade Goody, the former reality TV star who is mentally and terminally ill, is not expected to survive her ordeal for very much longer, and will definitely have expired by Christmas, says her public cyst, Max Cash.
Jade is currently dying at home amongst her family and hanger-on friends, and is said to be "very weak". Her condition has deteriorated markedly since Mr Cash told her it would be beneficial for it to do so, because a person who looks really ill can increase the circulation of a newspaper by as much as 40% - and that's a lot of money!
According to Mr Cash, Jade is so weak, that it's doubtful whether she will be around for FA Cup Final day in May, and extremely unlikely that will see August Bank Holiday. In any event, he said, she will be dead by Christmas, although this wouldn't stop him publishing yet more photos of her grieving sons first festive season without their mummy, just in case you'd forgotten about her by then.