Cliff Maxford is teaming up with Simon Cole and Cheryl Cowell to launch a new TV show called "Search For A Nobody" in which members of the public who are desperate for fame will compete to appear on the cover of tabloid newspapers for doing nothing.
"Soon the newspapers will have nothing to write about, once Jade Goody goes the way of Princess Diana Queen of Hearts," said a spokesperson, "so we need to move fast to find another nobody who we can turn into a money-making celebrity."
Applications will come from all walks of life and existing celebrities will not be allowed to enter - not even celebrities who are themselves nobodies.
The spokesperson said contestants would do well in the competition if they are uncouth, unable to sing, talk properly or read and write.
"If they have questionable morals and a penchant for addressing people with racial epithets, all the better," said the spokesperson.
The winner of the competition can expect to appear on Celebrity Big Brother alongside a black American or Bangladeshi person, and they will have the opportunity to put their name to autobiographies written for them by other people, as well as launching a line of cosmetics, high-salt fast foods and a range of bags.
"In this difficult economic times, newspapers and magazines need as much celebrity scandal as they can get," said the spokesperson, "and our job is to create it for them. It sells copies and makes money for everyone involved."