Written by jontee
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Topics: TV, Sky, Vicky Pollard

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

Sky TV has announced the launch of a brand new channel which according to the media giant will 'revolutionise the way we see celebrity culture'.

The new channel, called D list,launching in late April,will be available on channel 666 and will be primarily aimed at 16-30 year old unemployed females, who have a love for all things celebrity, from Paris Hilton, right through to Vicky Pollard.

According to Sky, the new channel will feature programmes which aim to inform the audience of 'what celebritys' lifestyles are really like behind the glitz and glamour'.

Highlights during the first 4 days of launch includes the Vicky Pollard show, in which teenage females compete for the grand prize of benefits for life by attending etiquette and 'how to behave in public disrespectfully' classes, as well as 'One night with Amy Winehouse', in which contestants get to spend a night out with Amy Winehouse and attempt to make it through to the morning without becoming long term habitual substance misusers, for the grand prize of having their own gossip column in the latest celeb magazine Bo-Locks.

According to Mike Flower, head honcho of the new channel, the channel will be miles apart from anything we have experienced on our screens so far.' Unlike the boring celeb fly on the wall rubbish you currently get on tv, this channel will really take you into the mindset of celebrity lives, and will open your eyes as to how celebrities REALLY live behind closed doors and when cameras are normally off'. When asked by The Spoof to explain the name behind the channel, Flowers said 'Thats another thing thats going to be different with this channel- The celebrities will all be D List people, and not the faces and names you see on every other magazine and tv channel. We also tried to get Jade Goody to formally launch the channel for us when it goes live in April, but her publicist has stated that she is unavailable on that date. So we have managed to secure a great surprise D List celebrity, which you will simply have to wait for'.

Other highlights for the much anticipated channel, include Vanessa Feltz's guide to fast food,Kerry Katonas Marriage counselling show,and Lily Allen on argos jewellery, in which Lily Allen,Britains favourite chavulite shows you how to spend your money wisely buying cheap but gold looking jewellery to fit every limb-from Argos.

The channel is going live at some point towards the end of April, however no definitive date has yet to be set, and will be available on Sky,Virgin Sedia,and Beerview.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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