Written by Vondrook
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Topics: Books

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

Topeka, KS - The literary world suffered another temporary setback today because of a House marathon aired on the USA network.

John Lyons, 49, had recently settled into early retirement in order to follow his life's ambition of writing the great American novel. "I had worked as an accountant for over 18 years," Lyons told reporters. "But there had always been this nagging feeling in my gut that I was meant to do something great."

Lyons had spent day after day at the office crunching numbers, but in his down time had always written little snippets of what he calls "The novel to define a generation." After years of careful investing, Lyons was able to retire early and focus on his lifelong dream of completing his long-awaited novel.

Nary 2 weeks into his sunset years, after turning his spare bedroom into his office, and buying a top of the line laptop computer and laser printer, John was ready to get started on the first chapter. "I had everything set up perfectly, just the way I wanted it, and was eager to get the ball rolling, and then...I hit a bit of a snag." The "snag" John is referring to is the television show House. "I was walking towards the kitchen to get my cup of coffee, when I saw on the television this guy having a seizure and vomiting blood. I was immediately intrigued."

Instead of going to his office, John sat on the couch and watched the entire hour-long episode. Then another. And another. John eventually watched the entire 14 episode marathon. "I didn't even realize the sun had gone down, the show is that good."

John's television-trance was interrupted by his wife Linda, who had come home from work at 5:30. "I came in and saw him just sitting there," she told reporters. "And I could tell by that look in his eye that he completely pissed away his day."

From having not enough time to write his novel to having too much time, John has vindicated himself and his work by saying that, "There are going to be days that are hit or miss. Every writer knows that. But tomorrow is another day, and I'm not going to lie; if there is a Celebrity Fit Club marathon in VH1, my work may have to suffer again."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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