Howdy Doody, the lovable star of the Howdy Doody Show in the early years of television is now in a nursing home in Los Angeles.
"Talk about your Viagra's four hours, how'd you like to be stiff for 70 years?" stated the lovable wooden clown. "See, Hollywood, old Howdy's still got the wood!"
"It's just been a bummer these last ten years with Buffalo Bob biting the big one and left permanently to wherever the silly people go after they croak. Buffalo Bob was a great mouthpiece."
"While a friend, I always hated his talking down to the other woodies and co-stars as if we too were part of his famous Peanut Gallery kids. For goodness sake, Dilly Dally was all of 58 way back then. I mean, Dally done rotted many years back or did the termites get to him? Can't remember."
"Of course, Clarabelle Hornblower went on to fortune and fame as Captain Kangaroo so it was a good start for him."
Flubadub was crazy to begin with. He had so many freaks in his intermarrying lot, he couldn't have come out of his mother hooha any other way."
Mister Buster, that crook and early-day Madoff, was actually an old gay queen."
"I think I could still hook up with another good mouthpiece and we could do a classy show today but I'd have to sit in the lap. No more strings for me. Arthor Rigus is acting up bad. It would have to be a lady too, to keep the varnish good and hot. But be warned "before hand", I can move more than my mouth and I am not responsible for those occasional boners."
"I'm still packing a load of wood down there."
"My only regrets, you ask? Probably that Particle Board The Sailor and his little theme song "It's only me, I come from a tree, I'm Particle Board The Sailor". The poor slob had just came aboard..get it? a board? oh well, and the show got axed."
"And so did many of the dummies."
"I guess I should get back into my box for some shut-eye so if one of you would be so kind as to shut my eyes."
"I'm hanging around, the slums of town...I'm Particle Board The Sailor"
"Still remember that one."