Written by Ben Macnair
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Sunday, 15 March 2009

image for Larkrise to Candleford - New Tarantino Film
What do you mean there's no post today? I pity the fool who denies me my correspondence..........

Cutting edge film geek Quentin Tarantino has revealed that his new film is to be a radical re-working of Flora Thompson's smash hit novel - Lark Rise to Candleford.

The story, which focuses on the smorgasbord of entertainment to be found in a Post Office is currently a ratings winner in the Horlicks and Chocolate slot on BBC1.

Julia Sawalha, known for her work in Press Gang, Absolutely Fatuous, and Jonathan 'Up the' Creek is too star as Cousin Dorcas, who in Tarantino's storyline is a pill popping kleptomaniac, whereas the Arles family are seen to be running the town with an iron fist. It is up to the good folk of Candleford to put aside their differences, and do the right thing.

Tarantino said, 'Like, Man, I was watching it, and thought this Dorcas Character man, she's all very well, but she's a bit too nice, a bit sunday night on BBC1, so I gave her an edge. I wanted to cast Keira Knightly in the role, but she had problems with the gun play that are a big part of the adaptation. I said I was trying to make a post-modern western, set in the past, where a Hannie Caulder figure actually needed to be saved, but Keira said she wanted to wear a corset for the role, but I said no man, I gotta stick with the integrity of the source material, that is why I put a gratutious shower scene in for Eva Mendes, and a lot of drug taking...........That will give you English people a lot to complain about, won't it?'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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