Written by matwil
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Sunday, 15 March 2009

image for New Bin Laden cartoon opens on NBC
'What's that, Bagpuss? Bin Laden isn't a CIA employee and personal friend of the Bushes?'

A new cartoon was shown today on American TV network NBC, 'Bin Laden the Cartoon Villain and his Wacky Faces'.

In the children's program, every episode begins with a tall Arabic man with a ridiculously long beard ranting and raving about America and Islam, and rudely never saying 'Hi' to his friends the Bush family in Texas. And then the fun begins.

Putting on a silly evil voice, the Arab says things like 'I will destroy America with my own bare hands!', and 'Total war against the enemies of the CIA! I mean the enemies of Islam!', and even 'Funny how my face looks different every time my photo appears, a bit like Saddam Hussein's did. He's alive and well and growing tomatoes next door to me, here in Basra.'

And as children started laughing at such nonsense, the hero of the cartoon appeared, Blackerson Omaha Brackenberry. 'The issue here', said the hero, 'is not where we are or what we have done, or when we are what we will have been doing at - and we must have hope for this - the end of this, in all effect, sentence, the issue is why we need cartoon villains in the first, second, third and fourth placements.'

'We have come this far, this close, this town, comin' like a ghost town, we, the American people, will not be deflected by lots of token cartoon Presidents waffling endless childish - and almost embarrassing - crap about the world, what we understand best is some kiddie's cartoon villain that we invented a few years ago to scare the kiddies that vote in America. Try standing up to Adolf Hitler and Joe Stalin instead of crapping yourselves every time a personal friend of the Bush family does a photocall to please CNN.'

But some Americans refused to believe that Bin Laden is just a fictional cartoon character. Said one, Mrs Ingridia Hoffelheister-O'MacDonaldhadavarmski: 'I'm so scared of Osama, I hide behind my pile of burgers every time CNN shows his ever-changing picture on the TV.'

'And hand over most of my taxes to fund 'the war on terror'. And my greatest dream is to meet Top Cat and Scooby Doo, they just show why we voted for George W Bush and Barack Obama, two of the smartest human beings in human history. That's why Americans are dying in Iraq.'

Osama Bin Laden himself had this to say about the cartoon show. 'What next? Pearl Harbor was allowed to happen? Americans were conned into joining World War One by the British? Vietnam wasn't just an excuse to get rid of thousands of unwanted poor people? As if! Hi, George and Laura, see you next week in Dubai!'

Dick Dastardly is three tomorrow.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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