Written by Aspartame Boy
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Sunday, 15 March 2009

image for Burned diners bring syrup to diners
New for the 21'st century: Don't forget to bring your own syrup.

CHANDLER, AZ - Pancake serving restaurants in this town are seeing an interesting phenomenon, according to waitress Othien Antspien of the IllagePien Nnien here. Othien reports that customers are bringing their own syrup and asking if it is alright to put it on the pancakes in the restaurant!

I was called to investigate this issue by an angry customer (anonymous) who wanted "the press" involved. I guess I'll have to do.

I stopped in to investigate this for myself and noted that even the cold syrups offered by the establishment burned the very tip of my tongue when ever so slightly applied thereto.

Then, I traveled to yet another restaurant of a different chain and heard and tasted the same thing. Waitress Untkien Rippingdien confirmed that customers are bringing their own syrups. Few are complaining about the chemical burning of the mouth, as I did. I left Untkien an Amero tip. However, Untkien refused to taste the syrup, whisking it away to be "cleaned up".

In subsequent articles I plan to investigate the chemicalization of sweeteners, such as aspartame, and the hostile effects in human consumption thereof.

I will be looking for any maple trees that have been genetically modified to produce aspartame, thus providing up to %50 percent cost saving to pancake serving restaurants. Of course, how much money does that really save if customers have to hunt down their own syrups?

I noted that little blue packets are now missing is these establishments. From the overt to the covert? Next week we will take this investigation the the next level as I get statements from the restaurant owners.

On the way out I met Henry Kissinger comming in; he asked me "aren't you dead of aspartame poisoning yet?" He was carrying a large can of pure Vermont Maple syrup.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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