In London today a convention for paedophiles sold out hundreds of thousands of tickets in a few hours.
Convention promoter Sir Sicko Nixon said: 'All the kiddie lovers arrived and snapped up the tickets in droves, we even had to arrange another convention for the overflow - if you'll pardon the expression. But at £19,000 a ticket it's good value. You get a free leather jacket and plastic surgery, and a photo of Elizabeth Wailer thrown in with the price.'
But some - well, 55 million - Britons have questioned the decency and ethics of such a convention, and are wondering why such blatant and disgusting immorality should be allowed, but Sir Sicko disagreed.
'You know', he said in a squeaky voice, 'I'm sad, I'm sad, I'm weally weally sad, and the whole world knows that I like kids, and I think I may be mad', before picking up a passing toddler, and hanging it out of the window thirty storeys above the ground to make his point.
Sir Sicko was deported from the United States of America recently, for what the FBI called 'showing an unhealthy interest in little boys', and 'being a revolting piece of vermin that would be in jail if he wasn't rich and famous', but luckily the ever-tolerant British have allowed the promoter to visit their island. Though they may of course be doing an 'Abu Hamzir', and just giving him enough rope to hang himself - if you'll pardon the expression.
MacCauley Lurkin was unavailable for speaking in a squeaky voice, as it had just broken.