Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Thursday, 12 March 2009

image for Sesame Street hits Skid Row as The Electric Co. powers down Big Bird
Even Sesame Street gets its power cut by The Electric Co. for not paying its bill in these hard times

Sesame Street, PBS - The after affects of Ronald Reagan's Trickle Down Theory of Economics has final worked its way down like he said it would. The meltdown of Wall Street's financial district has coursed its way through the heart of every American, running right through Main Street and now finally through Sesame Street as well.

In the tradition of the after school specials on commercial TV that plagued children in the 1970s, PBS has decided that the current economic crisis our nation is facing is not beyond the comprehension of the of their targeted viewing audiences cognitive skills and that it is best to include children in the discussion around the kitchen table in the homes all across America.

As best they could in the traditional gentle manner that they do so well, Sesame Street recently aired a show explaining why many children will not be able to see their favorite TV show due to The Electric Co. shutting off their power like they recently did to the show's headliner, Big Bird after making budget cuts.

Inviting Ernie Hudson of Ghostbusters fame now a current employee of The Electric Co. to explain to the children in person why he cut off power to Big Bird's nest, the special episode begins:

"Yeah, that's right kids, I'm the black guy from the movie Ghostbusters," said Hudson. "In fact, I think I was the only black person in that entire movie. But that's beside the point kids. I'm here today to explain to you why I, as an employee of The Electric Co., had to shut off Big Bird's electricity to his nest."

Hudson went on to patiently explain as best as he could to the group of children sitting on the floor the complexities of the ongoing and worsening economic crisis.

"And so you see," said Hudson. "Big Bird was unable to keep up with his utilities, so The Electric Co. had me cut off Big Bird's electricity last month."

Hudson could see the children were emotionally upset, so he got down on one knee to get eye to eye contact with the children to help calm them down.

"I hated to do it," said Hudson, still trying to explain why he left Big Bird in the dark. "You see kids. Sometime us adults have to do grown up things we don't like doing?"

"But why?" Innocently asked a little girl, wiping away with tears that ran down her cheeks.

Hudson could see that his explanation was going anywhere, so he quickly thought up of something else that the children could possibly understand.

"Well, if you really must know," said Hudson. "It's because The Man told me to do it. Or he would fire me. That's why."

The children turned to one another, whispering to each other, "The Man. The Man told him to do it."

"That's right kids, The Man," said Hudson.

Hudson stood up with a smile of his face, as if freed from a burden.

Then asked a little girl, "But who's The Man?"

Hudson seemed surprised and unprepared to answer the little girls question.

Hudson now taking a defensive demeanor abruptly answered, "Who knows? I sure in Hell don't"

The children recoiled at hearing the letter H in such a manner.

"But you are all missing the point here," said Hudson, appearing guilty and unrepentant. "Besides, if I didn't do it, somebody else would have. Somebody that Big Bird didn't even know. The Man would have had someone else do it. And then, where would I be? Tell me that kids! Where would I be?!"

Hudson then began to pace nervously back and forth in front of the children, who became frightened at his raised voice.

"I'll tell you where I'd be," said Hudson, now visibly angry and upset himself. "I'd be sitting in the dark just like Big Bird. Now, I don't think Big Bird would like that, do you? Well, do you?! Answer the God [censored] question!"

The children recoiled at hearing both the letter G and D used in such a manner.

As Hudson sat back down in his chair, arms folded across his chest mumbling to himself, the same tearful child as before, except now trembling in fear, hesitantly raised her hand in the air daring to ask a question.

"What is it little girl?" said Hudson to the child that now seemed averse to speaking. "Go ahead. Ask your question. Well, go on."

"Will The Man send you to my house to shut off my electricity?" asked the little girl.

"I don't know," replied Hudson, opening up his appointment book. "Where do you live?"

Just then Big Bird walked into the room. All the children gasped in joy and glee. Whispering among themselves, "Big Bird. Big Bird is here. He's here."

"What the [censored] is this?" said Hudson.

The children recoiled once again, but this time for hearing the letter F used in such a manner.

"I think you owe me and especially the children an apology for using Mr. Potty Mouth," said Big Bird.

"Oh, yeah, I get it," said Hudson. "This was all a set up to make look like the bad guy for shutting off your electricity. Isn't it?"

Big Bird just stood there in silence. Not denying the charge.

"Well, you want a bad guy," said Hudson. "I'll give you a bad guy."

Hudson walked up to Big Bird and reaching behind him, grabbed his neck.

The children gasped and placed their hands on their cheeks as they helplessly looked on in utter horror.

"I'll show you a real bad guy," continued Hudson as he proceeded to rip the costume head off Big Bird exposing the man underneath. "See kids, I told you. There's The Man! He must have crawled up Big Bird's big [censored], eating him up from the inside like he was a big turkey or something."

This time the children had no time to recoil at hearing the letter A used in such a manner as they were too busy scurrying about the room screaming out all sorts of profanity of their own at the top of their tiny little lungs. Finally, they all settled down and chanted among themselves, "The Man ate Big Bird! The Man ate Big Bird! And he's going to shut off our electricity!"

"Today's show was brought to by the good people at The Electric Co.," calmly said a male announcers voice. "Not The Man. So when we come out to your home to shut off your electricity, remember boys and girls: The Man is really to blame. Not us. So call off your dog, put down the garden hose and unlock the gate. Okay kids?"

As credits rolled on the TV screen, the children could be seen kicking and biting The Man (a.k.a. Big Bird) in the background.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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