Raleigh, NC/ Chamber of Commerce News Alert - In the biggest stimulus to the faltering North Carolina economy, a long planned Pirate Museum opened this week in Raleigh, to enthusiastic crowds spurred on by the unprecedented success of a Pirate Saga featured on TheSpoof.com.
Lingering for years, plans for the museum received a boost in publicity, and the release of long awaited funds, due to the public clamor to learn more about pirates, and especially the now infamous crew of the "Buggerall." The irrepressible crew is featured in the wildly popular action adventure currently awaiting screen rights, paper back release, a reality show , and an action game on Sony Play Station.
The museum curator said interest in the "Buggerall" has easily surpassed that of "Queen Anne's Revenge", formerly famous Pirate Blackbeard's ship of Prey.
"Blackbeard got more than his share of notoriety due to some great PR during his lifetime, " Bruce Shipwash, the cross eyed curator said, " but nothing like the PR generated for Morse and his crew on the Buggerall! Noted journalists Skoof1999, BuckwheatsButt, and even Ray Turse and Victor Nicholas are beating the drum and the crowd's are queuing up in droves!"
Most of the fascination appears to be morbid based on the tales so far told on "Below Decks". One example goes one better than Blackbeard who is said to have lit tallow candles in his flowing beard to terrorize victims as the pirates boarded. Current visitors are clamoring to see the virtual performance of Bosun Fergus McCarthy, as he swings aboard hapless merchant ships with flames shooting out of his ass as result of lighting off farts with a slow burning match.
Described as an "interactive experience" museum goers get to open chests and smell rum, gunpowder, grog farts and even bottles of aging old spice put aboard the ship by CPA Hal A. Peno.
In life like scenarios you see the crew sitting down to a roast leg of lamb with a 34" inseam described by Dr. Nicholas, and a 6-tier wedding cake prepared by Dora Piebottom for a gay wedding, not approved by the HM the King, but ok since Cpt. Morse has dual citizen ship and has been granted such privileges by the liberal Governor of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.
Artifacts include 2 termite ridden peg legs, allegedly worn by the Pissgum conjoined gunners mates, a model of a British double decker bus allegedly the favorite toy of the crew's pet Monkey, and a set of crotchless leather pantaloons worn by the ships mascots for once a month "happy hours."
Treasurer of the State of North Carolina, Bruce Emptepockets, shed tears of joy over the museum success, " This is bigger than we ever imagined, bigger even than the state lottery, and the best Stimulus we could ever imagine!
Forget those Pirates in Congress we elected, Thank God for Morse and The Crew on the "Buggerall", they don't make Pirates like they used to!"
Personal appearances for the cast are currently being arranged by The Admiralty, for the usual 35% Facilitation Fee.