Paris Hilton, the famous hotel chain heiress and Hollywood socialite, has decided that the spotlight has been off of her long enough. In a rant filmed at a New York City nightclub ("The G Spot"), she demanded more attention be paid to her and her newest antics.
"Where are the damned paparazzi? I just clearly got out of that limo with no panties and my left boob fell out of my skirt and no one was here with cameras! How the hell is my picture supposed to be flashed all over the internet if no one is here to take it?"
Paris is upset that, since her jail time ended last year, she has been getting smaller and smaller roles in tabloid television, magazine, and internet stories.
"I still drink like a fish. I still sleep with multiple hot guys. I still let everyone get a quick peek with my little nip slips. Do I need to take it to another level? Am I not America's sweetheart any more?"
After her rant, Ms. Hilton entered the club and offered to put her tongue in the ear of any man with a cell phone camera.
As the club was hosting a party for pedophile Catholic Priests who had beaten the rap, however, there were no takers. A few nuns, however, seemed interested.