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Wednesday, 4 March 2009

image for Watchmen movie 'unfilmable and unfilmed'
Watchmen blank celluloid: Just imagine how good it tastes

Makers of the new Watchmen film have admitted there is no film but they still anticipate to break box office records.

Director Zack Snyder admitted he had taken the budget and just gone on holiday, leaving the studio to release 163 minutes of a blank screen.

"Fans of the Watchmen will love it, newcomers will be amazed. I also had a great holiday," he said.

Despite the film not existing, it has already received rave reviews, with Empire magazine giving it 14 stars out of five.

"Anticipation for the film was so high, we just showed the critics a blank screen and some light music," explained producer Edward Blake.

"They loved it, projected all their hopes and imagined the film. Those who expected Watchmen to live up to the hype said it was the best graphic novel adaptation ever.

"Meanwhile those who initially thought the film fails to do the book justice but had great action scenes, said Watchmen was good but failed to live up to the book."

He explained after fan test screenings were so positive, the movie company ran up a few posters and started promoting the film.

A version of fan favourite Marvel Zombies is now being planned with a $1.5 million budget to cover only marketing.

Rumours are now circulating Hollywood that the Batman movie Dark Knight, that even won Heath Ledger a posthumous Oscar, did not exist.

An Academy of Sciences and Motion Picture Arts representative said: "I definitely saw a poster of Ledger looking moody and I think there was a trailer and some clips. Even if there was no actual film he deserves an Oscar for the promotional material and he is dead anyway."

Terminator prequel Salvation is also believed not to exist except Christian Bail's deliberately set up outburst and a few online teasers featuring smoke, music and a voice over.

Earnst Max, director of the Hollywood Directors Guild, defended non-existent movies.

"People want entertainment and we provide entertainment without harming animals. How we do it is our business.

"If cinema goers stop liking non-films, we will offer 3D and IMAX non films."

The fashion for not making films however is not new.

Research by the British Film Institute shows a middle third of classic Casablanca is completely empty "but people believe there is a story line".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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