Written by Ky'Phur
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Topics: troops, Klingon

Tuesday, 22 June 2004

image for Klingons Block Viacom Legal Filing, Liberate Klingon Captives.
Viacom's "Proof" that the Klingon assault never happened.

Note to my readers: The Klingon Assault Force Commander has granted me permission to operate as an "embedded journalist" allowing me to move freely through his troops and even accompany them during combat missions. This report is my first to be filed from the field. Stay tuned as I plan to continue reporting this story until its end (or mine).

This morning at 9:00am EST, Attorneys representing Viacom Entertainment attempted to file "cease and desist" orders against the Klingon Empire in United States District Court, Southern District of New York, in New York City.

To the surprise of Viacom's attorneys, Klingon representatives beamed directly into the courtroom with their response. When the disruptor fire stopped the Viacom attorneys, courtroom staff and several observers lay lifeless on the floor.

The Klingon Lieutenant in charge of the assault team presented this statement to the surviving human press.

"The Klingon Empire does not recognize the authority of any human court or government regarding the ownership of our way of life. We are Klingon, Paramount will be ours."

The assault team was then beamed directly to "The Star Trek Experience" in Las Vegas Nevada were Klingon spies had reported captured Klingons were being held in a Ferengi Bar for interrogation.

The Ferengi never knew what hit them as the Klingons started firing the second they materialized. Humans, Vulcans and Ferengi scattered like bugs as the soldiers found and liberated the captive Klingons.

Several members of "senior management" were taken as prisoners; their interrogation will hopefully provide clues to the location of Sumner M. Redstone's hidden bunkers.

At noon EST, Mr. Redstone's Personal Information Assistant, Fall G. Redstone (Mr. Redstone's nephew) released images of the Viacom Ferengi Bar with the following statement.

"There was no Klingon Assault on our Star Trek Experience in Las Vegas. Sumner Redstone was there for lunch today, he is not in hiding. These photos clearly show Klingons and Ferengi having a casual discussion at the exact location the Klingons claim to have destroyed. Viacom Employees and patrons everywhere should unite and take up arms against the hostile Klingons who have a personal grudge with Mr. Redstone."

Filed from the Klingon Command ship in Earth orbit by Embedded Klingon Reporter, Ky'Phur Or'Lo…

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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