The famous singer and drug addict Whiny Shithouse has returned from her 500 day holiday in the Caribbean. Looking like she'd been dragged through a hedge backwards (surely looking tanned and rested?) Shithouse was reintroduced to her family at Gatport Airwick.
It is thought that Shithouse was then taken to a showdown with estranged and strange husband Blake Feeling-Uncivil. He has filed for divorce claiming that Shithouse has been having an affair with some other junkie. Feeling-Uncivil has just been released from prison after being convicted of being in possession of an offensive wife.
Record industry bosses are hoping that Shithouse will settle in the new rural community her family have moved her to. Locals in the village of Much Inbreeding are not too pleased about the move. Some are said to be very nervous about the possible media invasion. One local, Harry Palms said "We do things different round 'ere. We don't go in for folk from that there London. So she better watch out. "
Shithouse is expected to spend a night in her new home before jetting off for a much needed holiday.