Written by For'Nique
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Monday, 21 June 2004

image for Prince Charles: Alias "Throne Crusher"
Prince Charles is THRONE CRUSHER: “Skeet, Skeet, Skeet!”

Prince Charles has recently signed on with Sean "P-Diddy" Combs' Bad Boy records for a one million dollar, one-album deal. With tabloid fodder and credible news sources noting the possibility of his being passed over to rule Great Britain in favor of his eldest son, William, Prince Charles, pseudonym THRONE CRUSHER, is attempting to boost his popularity and visibility among Britain's younger demographic sector.

"They are, after all, the decision makers of tomorrow, and to overlook them, even now, would be a gross miscalculation of their collective power," Prince Charles said over a plate of collard greens in an interview at Justin's Soul Food Restaurant in Harlem, New York. "I intend to make 'Parliament' more 'Funkadelic'…get it? 'Parliament Funkadelic'…oh to hell with it all...I'm Prince Charles, bitch!"

The album, tentatively entitled "Hip Hop Monarch" will include original music such as "Bow Down Bitches" and "Throw Momma From the Train," as well as some expected remakes, including TuPac's "I Get Around" , and the much anticipated remake of Lil Jon and the Eastside Boyz "Get Low."

Advance orders of the CD have already ensured the project will ship platinum. MTV news correspondent, Sway, believes the "Get Low" remake is the reason for the album's hype, as well as the assurance of it's making a sustained dent on the Billboard Hot 100. "Anytime you can hear somebody - ANYBODY -- from the monarchy talk about ‘from the window, to the walls, till the sweat runs down my balls,' you know, and ‘skeet-skeet-skeet', I mean, how can that not sell?"

When asked about THRONE CRUSHER's upcoming album during a SOURCE magazine interview, P-Diddy remarked, "I thought I told you that we won't stop…I thought I told you that we won't stop…Yeah…Take-that, take-that, take-that…that's riiiiiight…WOOO…Bad Boy."

The tentative release date "Hip Hop Monarch" is August 10, 2004. In the meantime, THRONE CRUSHER has been active in Britain's gentlemen's club circuit, teaching even his staunchest critics the liberation of popping Crystal bottles and singing, "Skeet-Skeet-Skeet".

At press time, Queen Elizabeth could not be reached for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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