Written by Panndyra
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Topics: Madonna, Old People

Monday, 21 June 2004

image for Madonna Releases New Album: Confuses Old People
Call me Miss Esther, if you're nasty.

Madonna Louise Ciccone-Richie, the artist formerly known as Madonna, has released a new album under the moniker Esther C.

The album is entitled, "I'm Just Like Vitamin C But Better, Baby!", has a brand of "Kabbalah-techno-wailing that sounds like a cat in heat", one critic said.

It seems that old people ran to their local record stores to pick up the CD. They were confused because they thought it was a new vitamin supplement which would make you look younger.

"Yeah, them idiots confused Esther C with Ester C. Ester C cures scurvy. I guess it's like a highly specialized form of Vitamin C or something, man. It was crazy. We had a bunch of old dudes and dudettes in here. I thought they rereleased Cocoon at the theater or the mallwalkers got lost, yo.."

When asked about Mad-I mean, Esther's new marketing plan, one of her reps said, "Yeah. She's trying to appeal to an older demographic now. Do you know how old the Babyboomers are and there are so many of them. She hopes to reel them in with this confusion and then, maybe they'll stay to buy her stuff. Oh, I've said too much. Gotta go."

Whatever Madonna's reasoning, here are the titles of the twelve tracks on this album:

  1. Geritol Night Long
  2. Metamucil Girl
  3. Where's my surgeon?
  4. Don't cry for me 'cuz you got botox.
  5. AARP For Life
  6. My name is Not Madonna (anymore)
  7. He's my plastic surgeon.
  8. I've got to eat by three or I'll have to pee (all night!).
  9. I can't hear you. Come a little closer.
  10. I've seen the light.
  11. Where my teeth at?
  12. Do you believe in a colostomy bag?

"Well, whatever her reasoning, Mad-I mean-Esther is going to be around for a long time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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