A spokespuppet for a famous petstore committed suicide last night.
The owner of a Chinese laundromat found him inside a washing machine. "He told me he wanted to wash up. I said ok. He was very smelly. No bath in days I guess."
Authorities found a suicide note in the studio apartment he was being evicted from.
The note read "By the time you read this I'll be gone. I hope my memory will last forever. I was happier being a regular sock. I never wanted to be a celebrity. I don't even like dogs. My twin brother couldn't even recognize my after the plastic surgery.
"I just wanna let the socks of the world know it isn't worth it. I belong on a foot not on a hand of fingers probing me. I was born a sock and I died as one. "
The coroner reported there were large doses of bleach which tore apart the one time celeb.
The writers of TheSpoof.com wish to give our sympathies to the family. We are accepting donations of used socks. Preferably size 6 and made by Nike.