Written by Mister Meaner
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Topics: TV, Police, Crime

Monday, 16 February 2009

image for Crime Figures Down Because There Are More Police Shows On TV These Days
CSI Miami star Fellatio Caine

Official figures released today show that crime detection rates in Britain are at an all-time high due mainly to the number of police crime dramas on TV at the moment.

Shows such as CSI, NCIS, Law & Order and The Bill are all thought to have contributed to the improved figures, and the heads of police forces all over the country have acknowledged that TV has been a major factor in their ability to solve violent crime.

Head of the Met in London, Sir Paul Stevenson, said:

"The incidence of so many crime shows and their magnificent modes of crime detection, have assisted us in making many more arrests than we would have done had we relied upon Kojak."

Crime shows such as CSI Miami, starring David Caruso as Fellatio Caine, and its sister show CSI, starring that William Peterson twat as Gruesome, are favourites amongst the British viewing public who just love to find out how it was done!

Sir Stevenson went on:

"My own personal favourite, apart from Z Cars, is CSI Miami. That blonde bird, Calleigh, the ballistics expert is a bloody corker! Top ho bazookas! We all discuss it in the morning after it's been on the night before. Without CSI, we'd never have solved 75% of the crime in London during the last year! Forensics - it's a bloody science, isn't it? Magnificent!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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