In Leicester Square today, 'Scooby Doo and the Prophet Mohammed Go to Legoland' opened.
In the cartoon film Scooby Doo and Shaggy go for a holiday to Denmark and find themselves trapped in Legoland, and then the evil villain, the Prophet Mohammed, tries to kill them in all sorts of bizarre ways.
Firstly he tries to cut their hands off, for helping themselves to some Scooby Snacks they find without paying for them, then he persuades his daughter to strap sticks of dynamite to herself. He lights the fuse himself, saying 'I am too holy and revered to actually blow myself to pieces, lucky I have a daughter to do it instead for me. (Whew).'
'Off you go, Fatima, and blow the Infidels to pieces, plus yourself to pieces, of course', but sadly the fuse isn't long enough, and his daughter dies a horrendous death before she even leaves the room.
Next the Prophet takes out his copy of The Koran for inspiration. 'Follow the Commandments', he reads, 'hmm, a bit tricky that one. I know, it really means 'set up home-made rocket launchers and fire them at innocent men, women and children! And at innocent Americans and their dogs!' That's better, though I wish I had another daughter to do my dirty work for me - I mean to be a martyr for Islam for me.'
Meanwhile Scooby Doo and Shaggy had managed to escape from Legoland, and took shelter in a nearby mosque. 'Like, zoiks!', Shaggy said, 'look at the size of this place, Scoob! Must have cost zillions to build it! Hey, why don't we pretend we own this weird place, and sell it?'
'We could send the money to the Third World and help end wars and famine there, and help get rid of all the terrorists and suicide bombers that plague their countries. And help people live together in, like, peace and harmony, and stop hating one another, and maybe even practise what they preach now and then!'
But the Council of Muslim Bombers in Saudi Arabia then randomly fired a rocket bomb at Denmark, and it killed the two cartoon heroes before they could do anything worthwhile about their plan. Next week, 'The Mass-Murdering Christian Crusaders Meet the Swiss Banking Nazi Family of Bush' opens at a cinema near you.