PM Gordon Brown today said he was sorry after calling TV presenter Jeremy Clarkson 'a tall annoying adolescent geek, with a mental age of 14', and 'someone who thinks cars are exciting, and hanging around lots of other adolescent male geeks is exciting - which he obviously does.' He had also said 'My nephew is at primary school, and he has more life experience than that inbred, annoying, overpaid git Clarkson.'
'I'm so tewwibly, tewwibly sorry', the Scot apologised to the Top Bore presenter, 'for suggesting that an overgrown English schoolboy with about as much charisma as a cold cheese sandwich should be offended by my remarks. I can only hope that Master Clarkson can forgive me, please, please, oh please forgive me, Your Waste of Licence Feed One', before bursting into tears at his shame for insulting such a widely-admired figure.
But Clarkson himself was uninterested in Mr Brown's remarks. 'I live in the real adult world', he said, 'with a real job, don't bother me right now. Go and find some media luvvie who gushes away at press conferences like a drama queen, I have a programme to run.'
Mr Brown was seen playing with his Scalextric set in the garden at Number 10 Downing Street.