Recently acquired transcripts show the Obama family conducted a seance to contact Barack Obama's mother, Ann Dunham Soetoro. They tried to conceal the ritual from the public to avoid associations with Nancy "Crazy Lady" Reagan.
During this ghostly communication, Ms. Soetoro asked the President, "What's all this stuff I am hearing about Rush Limbaugh?" Obama replied "Mom, he's trying to tear this country apart. I have to let the public know." Ms. Soetoro sagely replied, "No son, from what I can see, he is just a fat slob who is trying to get ratings. Just ignore him, don't give him the attention he wants." Obama protested, "But mom-" at which point she cut him off "Don't but mom me-he is just a waste of human flesh. What you need to focus on is getting this country out of the trouble it is in."
After this exchange, the candles went out and the first family sat in awe briefly before instructing White House staff to leave news about "that fat megaphone" out of any briefings to the president.