Written by Kenneth Manboobs
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Wednesday, 16 June 2004

image for Britney Spears Cancels Tour, Freak Knee Injury Blamed
Britney: "Kids, don't go anywhere without protection"

Los Angeles - Representatives from the Britney Spears camp have confirmed cancellation of her "Fully Deflowered and Loving It" Summer Tour presented by Valtrex.

According to information obtained at the press conference Mrs. Spears suffered a freak knee injury while performing one of her famous stunts that makes her tours so popular.

One AP reporter posed the question, "What song and dance routine did Britney injure herself performing?" To that the representative gave pause, saying only that the incident occurred during "a meeting, not on stage."

That answer quickly brought murmurs in the conference room at the Beverly Hills Hilton. Mrs. Spears spokesperson quickly sought to stop any possible tabloid rumors by adding, "it was a simple wardrobe malfunction. Mrs. Spears forgot (again) to wear her knee pads. Spending so much on her knees prolonging her career, er practicing, can take its toll without proper protection."

Britney did release the following statement to her fans through her website.

"Thank you guys so much for supporting me through all of my trials and tribulations. I don't know where I would be without my fans. You guys are my rock. Unfortunately, as is the case in my business, the older you get, the more people expect from you - It is hard to stay number one. I've been working very hard practicing and getting financial backers excited. I hope to be fully recovered by this fall."

In related news, an unidentified source close to the Spears family has indicated Britney may have recently contracted Hepatitis C. A statement via the singers website is forthcoming and will include information about staying away "dirty tattoo needless."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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