Written by Dungeekin
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Topics: Eastenders

Saturday, 24 January 2009

Walford hard-man Grunt Mitchell is leaving the East End to take on the Taliban, I can exclusively reveal.

Grunt, who is bald, was reported to be leaving for Afghanistan's Helmand Province in order to give the insurgents in the area a proper kicking, after it was reported that someone had said something nasty about his mum Peggy.

A source close to the Mitchell family said, "Grunt was livid. Phil told him that he'd heard Minty talking to Gary in the Vic, saying that Heather had told Little Mo that Shirley's latest shag had also slept with Max, who'd told him that Jack Branning had heard in the club that a Taliban insurgent had called Peggy Mitchell an interfering old witch".

Grunt has apparently already started work in Helmand Province - with an increase in reports of headbutted Taliban fighters, bleeding profusely and babbling incoherently about a 'white devil' attacking them screaming, "I'll 'ave ya, ya slag!".

Your correspondent attempted to contact Mrs Mitchell for comment, but was punched in the face by Phil and thrown bodily from the Vic.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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