Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 23 January 2009

image for Jonathan Ross Back On BBC1 Tonight With His Own Inimitable Brand Of Pure Shite
No inappropriate phone calls of a degrading sexual nature to icons of British comedy, please

Jonathan Ross, the disgraced BBC talk show host who was suspended for his disgraceful antics with that Russell Brand, is back on TV on Friday night, after just three months absence.

The show, wittily subtitled Carry On Up My Own Arse, has made Ross the highest-paid person in the northern hemisphere, and, as such, he thinks he can say just whatever the fuck he likes.

Well I'm here to tell you that he can't.

It might be fine for Ross to go talking shit like that on Andrew Sachs answerphone or whatever, or to flirt with an obviously-disinterested Madonna, or to swear at will and have it tastefully bleeped-out, but some of us have standards, and I think the BBC were right to ban him.

Ross - I won't type out the lisp - is a disgrace to his profession, and despite his 'apology', should never be allowed to drag the BBC down to those despicable levels again.

Tom Cruise, Stephen Fry, Lee Evans and Franz Ferdinand are the unlucky group who have drawn the short straws for appearances in Ross' comeback show.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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