Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 21 January 2009

image for Celebrity Big Brother Tina Malone Awarded The Freedom Of Her Own Toilet
Not just a pretty face - not EVEN a pretty face

Celeberity Big Brother Tina Malone, the housemate with the foulest mouth ever to have been heard on the show, was welcomed back to her home town of Liverpool yesterday, and was immediately awarded the Freedom Of Her Own Toilet.

The award, made by the leader of Liverpool City Council, Paddy Magnitt, was dished-out in recognition of the Shameless star's ability to swear in absolutely every sentence she utters.

Tine will be allowed to wander, swearing to her heart's content, wherever she pleases within the confines of her 6x4 toilet in her two-up two-down slum in Toxteth, where she hangs out.

Malone, or Shrek as she was known in the House, discovered many new and interesting ways in which to apply the F-word, and tirelessly deployed them to wear down the resistance of even the hardiest of her housemates, Coolio.

Coolio, who swears for a living in many of his 'songs', told Tina:

"Your f*ckin mouth got a mind of its own, bitch!"

To which, the 24-stone barrel of lard replied:

"F*ck you, y'f*cken f*cked-up f*cken f*ckwit c*nt!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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