Clarence House - (Racist Arsehole Mess): Movie actors Tom Cruise and Miley Cyrus have been jocked off the top billing for Friday's Jonathan Ross comeback show after Prince Harry accepted a reported seven figure sum for the star slot interview.
And according to a sneak preview of Harry's BBC contract the young gingernut will appear in his family's heraldic-crested Nazi uniform for the occasion.
Harry, 69, was famously ticked off by the Army last week after badmouthing his regimental colour sergeant 'a bit of a darkie'.
Two years ago he secretly married a Taleban Whore Lord's eldest 10 year-old daughter as part of the Whore-on-Terra Global Piss Process initiative brokered by Tony Blair.
"Grandma was a bit pissed off at first about the shotgun wedding," Harry commented.
"But there was plenty of stiff upper lip and what-ho when she finally saw the newborn twins!
"Good Lord, Harry, they look just like my own beloved Papa," she said, "although the strong Chinese features are a bit of a mystery, what?
"Hell, how was I supposed to know my bride was already up the duff?"