Written by victor nicholas
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Topics: Language, Pig

Sunday, 18 January 2009

image for Man Teaches Pig to Speak English
Lucifer a Stoke Fan

Aberdeen - Local farmer Miles McDonough claims to be the first person in the world to teach a pig to speak English. Mr. McDonough made his claim on the weekend at the Jolly Friar Pub. Alec Goodwin from Guinness was there to certify the event a world record.

Miles introduced his two-hundred and fifty pound boar Lucifer and announced that the pig would do play-by-play of the Chelsea and Stoke match on the telly to prove his vocal ability.

Miles and Lucifer proceeded to down several pints to lubricate the machinery over a game of darts and the match began.

Lucifer had a winning start and was clearly interested in football as Stoke surprisingly pulled ahead at the half. Miles, a Chelsea fan, took exception to Lucifer calling the play from a Stoke perspective causing a row to break out between the pair with much grunting, cursing and rolling around on the floor.

Once everyone pulled themselves together Guiness rep Alec Goodwin ruled that neither Lucifer or Miles were speaking English as required to which Miles replied "You canna say he's na speaking Scottish either."

Point taken Guiness reversed their decision and awarded the swine the world's record for the first pig to speak English.

Chelsea managed to tie the game and produce a winner in stoppage time causing Goodwin to reply. "Aye, your pig may speak Scottish but he knows bugger all about football."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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