Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 16 January 2009

image for Celebrity Big Brother Tina Becomes The First Housemate To Be Physically Removed In A Straight-Jacket
Tina before the eviction

Celebrity Big Brother contestant Tina Malone was evicted from the show tonight with a record-breaking share of the public vote, but had to be forcibly removed from the House in a straight-jacket after she refused to leave.

Shameless star Malone, who looks like Shrek, demanded a recount of the votes and, when this was done, told Big Brother:

"Am not fucken leaven. Y'll 'ave to fucken throw me out, y'cunts!"

Moments later, twenty-five security guards burst through the main door into the House armed with staves and electrical tape. Malone repelled the first few attacks, but was powerless to stop the eventual onslaught, and was bound and gagged.

The straight-jacket was then applied, and her mouth was taped shut. A hood was placed over her enormous head, and she was dragged out of the House.

As she was bundled down the steps, one of the booing crowd lobbed a breeze block which smashed into her skull, and another ran forward and shoved a broken bottle into her face, but Malone merely scratched herself as if she had an itch, which she probably does, the flea-bitten tramp.

Hopefully, that'll be the last we'll hear of her.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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