Written by Mr. Staypuf
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Wednesday, 14 January 2009

image for Whoopi Goldberg 'Shoots' Ann Coulter in the Face on "The View"
Joe The Plumber Escapes Ann Coulter's Basement--Flees To Gaza

Ann Coulter was the sultry centerpiece of hot girl-on-girl action on The View, unabashedly revealing her ass to millions (OK, maybe only thousands) of hard-core fans tuning in to watch Whoopi give the skinny little twinkie a long overdue spanking.

Carefully removing the stick Coulter has carried up her ass for ages, Barbara Walters was initially politely positioned while patiently waiting for Ann's serpentine tongue to emerge. Then quickly raising her dress, Walters pounced crotch first, landing squarely on Ann's face and musing, "Here's some food for thought," just before cutting to commercial.

The rest of the show was a freak-fest of hot, sweaty View women having their way with the acid spewing succubus while the others watched. Even Elisabeth found herself caught up in the action, demurely fingering the holes in her conservative convictions until she was red in the face. Sherri, on the other hand, took a more active role, holding Ann in a head-lock across the desk as Joy struggled onstage with a mechanical device strapped across her shoulders like a leaf-blower. "I've got a penetrating question for you," Joy laughed manically before kick-starting the diesel powered contraption to whip up Coulter's egg whites.

Whoopi, for the most part, just observed the festivities, once remarking, "I've got freaking vibrators bigger around than her." Whoopi also disputed Coulter's accusation that Walters was reading her book like it was "Meinkampf." "I thought she was reading it more like 'Little Oral Annie'," Goldberg winked lustily, adjusting what appeared to be a trouser snake as Ann's eyes grew wide in disbelief. "We'll be right back," Whoopi said in a voice reminiscent of the late Barry White.

As Coulter's face reluctantly disappeared into Whoopi's lap, Sherri concurred that Skinny Annie really needed to put on some weight with a "good, ole fashioned protein shake." However, once the show returned from commercial, it was abundantly clear that Ann still has a drinking problem of sorts. "So, Cheney's not the only person who can shoot his political enemies in the face," noted Joy gleefully.

Though one of the most viewed episodes since Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth got into that highly pubicized double-dong-duel, Coulter later claimed that the women of The View were hostile to her. "Not one of them kissed me," she said. Walters retorted, "Well, if she wanted us to kiss her ass, she should have pulled Limbaugh's head out of it first." Joy meanwhile joked, "What's the difference between Ann Coulter and Amy Winehouse? There are some things even Amy won't do."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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