Written by matwil
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Tuesday, 13 January 2009

image for 'Big Dictator' replaces 'Big Brother'
The 'Big Dictator' house

Today Channel Bore announced it was axing 'Big Brother', and replacing it with 'Big Dictator'.

Director of programmes, Sir Vanessa Thortlehurst, said: 'Yes, 'Big Brother' was about as interesting as watching Gordon Brown make another slimy speech. We needed more viewers, and now we'll get them with our exciting new show!'

In this show, eight dictators are put in a house for two months and viewers can phone in every week to vote out which dictator they like the least. One of the new housemates, Adolf Hitler, said: 'It's a shame I've had to stop my work in Israel to do this, but this will be a new challenge. My plan is to purge the kitchens first, then declare war on the bathroom! And if Joe doesn't like it, then it's outside to the garden for a fight - with Eva!'

And another contestant, Benito Mussolini, added: 'Let's just hope we don't have to dress up like clowns for the show, as I'm down to my last 300 uniforms.' One controversial dictator will be Ehud Olmert, who, like Hitler is technically democratically elected, and also like Hitler is a mass murduring fascist.

'This will give me a break from ordering air strikes on children', he said, 'and hiding behind the USA. Can't wait to meet Hitler, we have so much in common, he's been very busy in Israel massacring the Palestinians for us.'

But Britain's own former dictator, Margaret Thatcher, said: 'We refuse to lower ourselves to appear in the show. We are a grandmother, and we are off our trolleys. And we
are made of iron, and wish Channel Bore would put an exclusion zone round its programmes, then we could sink the station with a submarine.'

And Joseph Stalin, after arranging for a million Ukranains to die for stopping Russian gas reaching Eastern Europe, added: 'It'll be no contest, I'll win. And if viewers don't vote for me there'll be a few purges in the night. Hitler, Mussolini? Amateurs, it's Maggie Thatcher I'd be scared of, lucky she's not going to be on the show.'

George W Bush said: 'Why can't Americans be dictators? Oh well, guess we'll be put on the children's channel. At least I won't be misundersubestimatedled by this program. Where's my brain?'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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