After a disastrous year for the BBC, with scandals involving many of their overpaid and talentless presenters, today it announced that Messers Brand, Ross and Clarkson, and others, were to be replaced by new presenters.
'Top Gear' will now be presented by Formula One driver Ayrton Senna, the driver who single-handedly turned the world of Grand Prix racing from one of daring and breathtaking entertainment to one of mind-numbing blandness and safety. The Brazilian will show viewers how to drive into a concrete wall in every episode, to save the BBC paying Clarkson's ridiculous wages.
'The Jonathan Ross Show' will now become 'The Heinrich Himmler Show'. Part of the fun will be the former SS leader phoning up Jewish celebrities and making jokes about their relatives being used as human guinea pigs in death camps in Poland. And 'Match of the Day' will now be 'Thatch of the Day', as former footballers with more and more ridiculous wigs fill in the gaps between highlights of dull matches - the ones Sky don't show - with bland waffle.
The head of the BBC, Sir Dimbleby Dykeovitch, said: 'It's a new team here at the Beeb, out have gone the overpaid and frankly embarassing nobodies like Brand, Lineker and Ross, and in come more wholesome people, like Himmler and Senna. Though we drew the line at Heinrich's plans for making a documentary about television hosts being machine-gunned to death en masse, even though that's what viewers want. The viewer is never right.'
And on the radio, Jonathan Ross's 'Adolescent Crap' show will be replaced by Joseph Stalin's 'Listen With Mother, As 30 Million Russians Are Murdured By Me' show, to make sure that there will no longer be any poor taste over the airwaves. The BBC license fee went up to £1200 today.