Written by Kozmik Ken
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Wednesday, 7 January 2009

image for CBB Latest. Celebrity Shooting Shocker
Fire at the Big Brother house today

It is reported that a "drive-by shooting" incident has occurred in the Celebrity Big Brother house.

The facts are not yet clear but it seems that the incident involves the theft of Verne Troyer's mobility scooter by fellow housemate and professional arsehole Terry Christian, who proceeded to drive past other housemates shouting comments involving 'caps' and 'asses', then pulling what was at first thought to be a replica gun from his jacket. It turns out the gun was actually an overly ripe banana.

Christian seems to have then crashed the scooter, which set fire to the house and was observed climbing over the compound wall, saying, "shit, shit, shit, I've done it this time."

The incident was first noticed when a pall of smoke was seen rising over the Big Brother house. News helicopters arrived at the scene to observe ambulances already in attendance and contestants being lead away by paramedics. At least one stretcher was seen leaving the house.

The current location of Christian remains unknown. It is suspected that he may be being harbored at a 'Manchester Safe House' in the capital, from where he may make an attempt to get back to the independent state of Greater Manchester, where UK laws are powerless.

More as it happens.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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