Written by Steddyeddy
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Wednesday, 7 January 2009

image for X-Factor's Leona Lewis and her "amazing" autobiography
Leona gets ready to 'autobiograph'

X-Factor winner Leona Lewis is said to have signed a deal for her "amazing" autobiography for publication later this year.

Her publisher, Doddery and Powton, said the book would be "amazing" because the singer is only 23 and has only been known for 2 years. They have said it's equally amazing that not only will they possibly be able to find something to write about, but people will actually part with hard earned cash for it. Especially as, at the time of this report, the book is projected to be only 27 pages long. In 16 point type. And with lots of pictures.

Miss Lewis rose from being a humble pizza girl to winning X-Factor after owner of the X-Factor franchise, Syphon Cowbell, declared she would be the one he was most at ease with for enlarging his bank account.

Leona's talent was spotted early on by the owner of the pizza parlour where she worked, with her uncanny ability to shatter glasses 50 metres away by breaking into song with Whitney Houston's "I will always shove you", a song about a Shove Ha'penny champion's love for his favourite coin. It was when she shattered the front window of the shop during her rendition of Bill Withers's "Lovely Day" that the shop owner, Mario Mafia, said she should enter a talent competition.

He said; "She no singa ma shop any mo. She no breaka ma windas."

Following the intense 12-week programme heats involving hundreds of thousands of premium rate telephone calls, she was able to stand up as the blubbering winner, thanking everything and everyone from supermarket shopping trolleys to the Queen for their support.

It has since emerged that Syphon Cowbell's bank account has enlarged to life-threatening proportions.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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