Robbie Williams has shocked the pop world by announcing he will be joining the recently reformed "boy" band boyzone.
The news was leaked to Damien Green, who was immediately arrested. On his release he made the following statement on behalf of Mr Williams:
"Robbie wishes to rejoin a major male pop combo. He realises that his previous team, Take That, are probably a bit good for him at the moment and he would not automatically look like the biggest star. He has therefore decided to lower his ambitions and join the MK Dons of the pop scene, Boyzone."
Asked why Robbie Williams had chosen the conservative spokesperson for immigration to be his mouthpiece, Mr Green replied: "Leaking information to me is a very effective way of advancing your career - as any civil servant will tell you." He then paused. "Oh sorry - any civil servant will tell you that leaking information to me will advance MY career - it will screw yours.!"