Written by Bureau
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Topics: Celebrities

Thursday, 1 January 2009

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National Gossiper Hotline

Ophrah Winfrey is blaming Michelle Obama for her recent weight gain to over 200 pounds. "She had a security guard sit on me and forced fed me ten sweet potato pies", stated Oprah. "I think there's still one in there they missed."

Paula Abdul and Simon Crowell are at the screaming stage off camera. "If Simon says, 'You forgot to say Simon Sez' one more time I'll backhand him", Abdul told our reporter. "Or better yet, I'll call up one of the Williams sisters and HER backhand that sucker!"

Peter Falk, who apparently has Alzheimers, was taken from a park recently after appearing to only have on his old trench coat. However, Falk DID have pajamas on under the coat and told police that he was taking the old trench coat to donate it to the Knights of Colombo.

President Bush is having a major bout of depression according to his wife, Laura. "He'll get up, go outside on the ranch and barely whack a bush or too with his favorite weed whacker. You can tell his heart is just not in it. Plus he's quit giving them names like Pelosi and Reid and Cheney like he's always done."

Sarah Palin Bombshell!! Yesterday, an anonymous source stated that Sarah Palin has a Bombshell hid under an outbuilding on her property.

Barack Obama Born Outside The USA? That's according to actress Dawn Wells who claims the president-elect was actually born on Gilligan's Island and delivered by the Professor who also knew how to deliver babies.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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