Written by Dorry McGuire
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Topics: American Idol, Radio

Saturday, 12 June 2004

image for "Seacrest, OUT!!"--For Good This Time
SEACREST, OUT, LITERALLY!!--Idol/On Air Host Ryan Seacrest has really decided to go 'out' of the showbiz for good.

Former American Idol and Radio Show host Ryan John Seacrest has decided to quit due to fear of over exposure. He said he was too embarrassed to continue hosting. After what happened on the Season 3 Finale of the FOX favorite, American Idol, Ryan said he would have to literally change his identity and look.
"Between that stupid jockhead Simon Cowell's idiotic comments and the confetti incident, it's been pretty darn hectic. I've even been contemplating leaving the country. Literally!" Said a humiliated Seacrest, 29, who vowed he would never do anything to do with fame again.
After our interviewer gave Ryan a long, comforting hug, she asked Ryan if he was planning to do anything about this besides quit.
"Dang right!!" says Ryan, near tears, "I'm going to lock myself away where nobody, not even my girlfriend can see me, if anything, she's the worst of them all, going 'Oh it's Ryan, the sweet little baby with the confetti in his hair.' it's getting very annoying!! Not to mention that stupid engagement rumor!!" Ryan says, quoting girlfriend Shana Wall, burying his face in his hands painfully.
We are very sympathetic for Ryan, who also said he was thinking of changing his name to an ultra-long Ralfington Johannes Rojas de'Arco Secrenoche, which we were quite puzzled with ourselves. Oh great, looks like we've just given away his biggest secret, sorry Ryan!! Geez, you're a terrific guy, and we hope you know we all love you, you've got fans out there. Oh well, I guess this is a good time to say, a permanent "Seacrest, OUT!!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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