Written by Phil Edgar's Bones
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Thursday, 18 December 2008

image for Britain's Got Talent, However Connie Talbot Possibly Hasn't Say Child-Stars!
Connie Talbot cuter than 'St Winifred's School Choir ' and 'The Jingle Cats', combined says Grandma!

Little, cute, angelic, ingenue Connie Talbot, has captured the nation's heart and eardrums, BUT she really isn't that great a singer, say other childhood stars. In a unprovoked tirade.

Charlotte Church and Steeple, who once had the voice of an angel, but now conducts herself like a Babylonian strumpet said " Connie Talbot is cute, but she sounds like an ordinary child; whereas I sounded like Maria Callas. She is nothing special".

Aled Tom Jones, the wonky mouthed, welsh singer added " I was a gold medallion choir boy singing for the Pope, with my high 'balls haven't dropped yet' alto. I am afraid Connie Talbot, sounds like an ordinary, little girl from Walsall. I wouldn't even say she sounds as if she's from Dudley".

Little Stevie Wonder and Little Michael Jackson agreed " We have listened to her christmas album and we are afraid to say.... she does sound like an ordinary child, who is singing through one of those toy Hannah Montanna microphones. But we are united in the fact, she is very cute and sweet".

Shirley Temple, 79, possible the cutest child to grace the earth, was slightly more acidic in her opinions " I don't even think she is that cute, put a photgraph of me next to her when I was a child, and I bitch slap her on cuteness. Even my shit was cute, I was that cute".

Doris Stokes, 89, from Plymouth disagreed " She is a lovely little singer and she sounds just like a middle-aged Mario Lanza, she has a lovely baritone voice. I sometimes mistake her for Roy Orbison" said the daft old granny, banging her hearing-aid.

St Winifred's School Choir and Clare and Friends were not available for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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